Emmanuel,
Yesterday evening I was sent the article about Cheslie Kryst’s death.
I’m still waiting on a reprint declaring it was someone else.
Circa 2015 on the campus on Wake Forest University
To claim to be her friend would be an overstatement. To claim to be acquaintances would be a slight stretch as well. At best, I was once her photographer while we were both in grad school at Wake Forest, and we knew similar people while in undergrad at The University of South Carolina. I knew of her, but didn’t know her beyond that.
I admired her success, intelligence, and mastery of modeling that communicated exactly what she wanted. To watch her portfolio grow from that session on campus to magazine covers was amazing, but never surprising.
HER DEATH
I make no speculation as to the details of her death or the details of her life leading up to that moment. What is clear is that I believed the lie that is always a lie: Because life looks perfect on Instagram, one must be living the dream.
Reality is hardly ever the narrative of Instagram.
I’m realizing that I admired her success, and because of a few overlapping circles, I knew success was also possible for me.
It never once occurred to me that instead of seeing her success, I should’ve seen a responsibility to pray for her continually as aid to her well-being. If you will indulge my processing for just one more moment, I want to share a hope that has been on my mind.
I INVITE YOU TO INTERCESSION
Each of us has a neighbor. Each of us has a person near us who is likely going through it. That person could appear to have the perfect life, the most miserable life, or the most mundane life. I invite you to intercession, or “standing in the gap,” as old folks would say. We must become the ones praying for our neighbors day in and day out. Our prayer will lead to God motivated action that just may be the “voice crying out in the wilderness,” the person needs to hear. We can be the prophets who speak God’s words to God’s children, with the reverbing sound of “I see you. I love you. You are mine. You’ve always been mine. You are worth it all.” It’s a message we all want to hear. Life brings unimaginable pressure be it a toxic work environment, or from the unrelenting needs of parenting.
As such, I commit to praying for my neighbors. I commit to never idolizing success, but remembering that the higher a person goes, the more strength they may need, but even that may not be true. Maybe what you need has nothing to do with the amount of success you have. Maybe our call is to be faithful in prayer for our neighbors despite it all. (James 5:16)
Today I pray for you. For comfort and courage in the space of responsibility that you have. That the weights and responsibilities never feel so overwhelming that you don’t have the power to ask for what you need, that you always have the space to say “I need a break and I’m taking it.” I pray that you are surrounded by angels in your upper management, who seek first the Kingdom of God and advocate for you while you sleep, as JESUS does the same for you both in front of the Father. I pray that you have 2-3 TRUE friends, who can see you and give you the gift of being seen. That the church surrounds you with reminders of Truth In the preached Gospel, countering the lies of the enemy. I pray also that the hunger in your soul is fed through the Body and Blood of Christ.
May you see how gifted and blessed you are today through the ordinary. Be it in a rainbow, a cicada, or gentle laughter over the debate of Apple v. Android. May under it be the development of real family, real community, so that the days of loneliness or suicidal ideation are met with aid.
May you have all that you need, and as you process loss of any kind, May God use us, your church family, to be of help. Amen
If you are having thoughts of harming yourself or have the desire to end your life, the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline is open 24 hours a day, 7 days a week at 800-273-8255. Also, you can always call me and we will connect you with those able to help you.
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O Lord, we are at the limits of our power to help. For what we have left undone, forgive us. For what you have helped us to do, we thank you. For what must be done by others, lend your strength. Now shelter us in your peace which passes our understanding. Amen. – BCP
“…This hurt is more than I can cope with on my own. For it is not just the pain of searing loss, but the added burden of the question Why? that I must wrestle through, perplexed and paralyzed by the shock of a mystery I cannot comprehend. This grief is too complex. It would be far easier to grieve a death from accident or disease than it is to face the weight of this ambiguity- for it is one thing to hate the cancer or the car wreck that robs us of a loved one, but what or whom are we to rage against for this loss, save the one we love, and have lost, and now grieve? And to this tangled tension add the shame of having to explain the way they died, while never wanting those who hear to pass judgment on one whose depth of pain they did not know; whose last despairing choice might have been made as one who leaps from a burning tower to avoid the fames and who might, even a moment too late, have regretted or repented of that mistake.
O God, I will forever hate the choice they made. But I will forever love them the same as I did in life, even in those moments when what I feel most is an anguished rage at their choice. Because they were so much more than one tragic act. If only I could turn the clock hands back.” – Every Moment Holy
